27. 5 Ways to Handle Criticism Gracefully

Hi, I’m Natalie Ottosen and you are listening to The Mindset School for Soulful Entrepreneurs, episode number 27.

Welcome to The Mindset School podcast, a show for spiritual entrepreneurs who are ready to stop feeling stuck, reconnect to their soul’s purpose, and create a deeply fulfilling life and business. I’m Natalie Ottosen, transformational life coach, and reconnection healing foundational practitioner, and I can help you scale and grow a six-figure business from a place of inner authority, wisdom, knowledge, and truth.

If you are a spiritual entrepreneur and you are looking to take that first step towards your dream of running your own business, this is the show for you. Ready to step into your power and move forward with clarity and purpose? Let’s go.

Hello, spiritual entrepreneurs and welcome back to another episode. Today we have a special episode that I believe is going to serve as a crucial toolkit for anyone on a path of personal, professional or spiritual growth. We're talking about how to handle criticism and navigate through the maze of other people's opinions. So grab a cup of tea, sit back and let's dive in. This came up for me in a personal situation recently but it applies as spiritual entrepreneurs as well. And isn't it so wonderful how things that happen in our personal life cross over into our professional life and vice versa? So thank you universe for that.

So we're going to be diving deep into this topic. We're going to start with why criticism is hard to take. Criticism truly can be tough to swallow for several reasons. It can trigger feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. It might even make us question our own values or life choices. And it's also really important to remember that everyone when they are criticizing, is a mirror reflecting back, aspects of ourselves that we may not always see, the complexity of criticism, it can feel like a gut punch.

At its core, criticism often feels like a direct assault on our identity. Our ego flares up, defenses go on high alert and our instinct is often to either retaliate or retreat, which I definitely wanted to retaliate. And I've also gone into the retreat mode personally. So first of all, this is a very natural survival mechanism, but it often serves as a roadblock on our own path to grow and move forward. I wanted to talk about some of the hidden blessings, the silver linings for criticism, if there is any. I'm sure you're going, “What are you talking about?” There truly are and I want to offer just a few of them.

Number one is self-improvement. So every piece of feedback gives us an external perspective on ourselves that you might not have considered, just like I may not have considered. This is particularly important for those breaking free from, let's say, restrictive environments. And an example of this would be religious organizations where individual thoughts might be discouraged or family upbringing where maybe you went against what everyone else was saying or doing in the family. It could also show up in a professional setting, especially if you actually work for somebody else and you are working to break free of that environment.

Number two is emotional resilience, so dealing with criticism, it helps you toughen up emotionally, which is an invaluable skill in every area of your life, from your personal relationships to your personal endeavors.

Number three, your unique journey, the criticism you face might actually be proof that you're onto something, that you're pushing boundaries and challenging norms. This is especially true for those undergoing significant life changes, like I said, leaving a religion or breaking away from family or leaving a community or embarking on a very beautiful spiritual journey. And I can say all of those things have been part of my experience, especially the spiritual journey piece and becoming a spiritual entrepreneur.

So I think it's important to understand the flavor of criticism because there is constructive criticism and this is the type that comes from a place of genuine care and aims to help you grow. So this is when somebody is sitting you down and giving you that information that is coming with love and grace and kindness and maybe some hard truths but ultimately it is coming from a ‘good’ place. It's specific, it's actionable and ideally it's asked for.

And then there's deconstructive criticism, which is what I came up against recently. I didn't ask for it. It was meant to hurt. And honestly, it's not something that I take personal because I know it doesn't have anything to do with me. And I think that's one of the things we need to remember when somebody is giving us deconstructive criticism is that it doesn't have anything to do with us. It's generally, like I said, aimed to hurt, it's meant to belittle or even possibly control you, and it is often general, vague and unsolicited just like it was in my case. So I wanted to kind of give you these five pillars for handling criticism gracefully.

Number one, pause and breathe. The first thing to do when confronted with criticism is to not act immediately. Listen, I am a Sagittarius and I am fire and then I've got a Capricorn moon and I'm a Virgo rising. So all of me wants to go straight to “rrr.” But if you can step back, take a deep breath, use this as a mini meditation moment to really ground yourself in. And trust me when I say that that is not an easy thing to do.

Number two is analyze the source. Context really does matter when it comes to personal situations and sometimes even professional situations. That can be a serious challenge because our family specifically knows how to go in and push our buttons, but analyze the source because ask yourself, is the person providing criticism, someone you respect? Do they have expertise in the area you are critiquing?

In my case, somebody was giving me information that doesn't know anything about me and they don't know anything about the situation. They haven't even spoken to me about what it is they were addressing to me in over five years. So really, context matters and analyze the source.

Number three is to respond or not respond. This can be a tricky thing. Consider whether a response is necessary. Sometimes acknowledging the critique and thanking the person for their perspective is sufficient, other times it truly is best to walk away. In my personal situation, I didn't respond for some time. I paused, I analyzed. And in my case I did decide to respond but it was after much consideration.

So it's important to sit and I would just offer this. Give yourself some time to calm down before you do respond. Write it, rewrite it, maybe write it again or edit it, write it, edit it, edit it again. Give yourself some time before you actually send it and make sure it's something that you do want to say depending on who it is.

Number four, affirmations for emotional strength. So use affirmations like I am worthy regardless of others opinions, because as much as we like to say that other people's opinions don't pay our bills, they can still hurt us if we allow them to. And using affirmations like, I am worthy regardless of others opinions, to maintain a strong emotional core can be very helpful.

Number five is, consult your spiritual tools. If you're someone who consults astrology or tarot or human design, consider doing a reading or gain some additional insight into how to best handle the situation. One of the things I love about astrology is that it gives us a blueprint of who we are. I know for myself as a Sagittarius, I can go to fire. I also know that as a Capricorn moon, I can get very direct and very cold and calculating instead of staying open and vulnerable.

And my north node is in cancer, which is all about being vulnerable. So I know for myself that I have to really weigh those things and put those things into consideration as I move forward in responding to things like this.

So those are the five little pillars that you can use to help you handle criticism gracefully. So let's talk about managing the noise because again, I'm a Virgo rising, so I am going to go in and I'm going to replay it and I'm going to replay it and I'm going to replay it because that's part of what my personality does. So managing the noise and how to deal with other people's opinions. It's always good to set boundaries. Emotional and mental boundaries are essential and I would say mental, physical, spiritual and emotional.

That's how I would kind of put those boundaries in place, make it clear internally that your self-worth is not defined, number one, by what other people think. And then go ahead and put those boundaries in place. In my situation, I put a very clear boundary in place. I told the individual that what they had said to me was none of their business and then it's a matter of creating that physical boundary if you need to create that physical boundary.

And also creating that energetic and spiritual boundary as well, getting, maintaining, understanding, becoming so clear about who you are that they get to be who you are and you get to be who you are. The other thing is learning to lean on your intuition. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Your intuition is your internal compass, so trust it. This is also a beautiful tool to bring in when you are handling criticism.

So what is your intuition telling you about the source of the criticism that's coming to you? What is it telling you about responding or not responding? What is it telling you about how to use your spiritual tools that you've gained over the process of your spiritual journey or being a spiritual entrepreneur?

The other thing is seeking out community and support. I am so grateful for the anchor of my husband who was able to help me through this process. And I also have an incredible group of community around me and a support system around me that I absolutely 100% can lean on. They will listen to me. They will surround me in love. They will give me honest and good feedback. So find your community, find your support and tell them what you need.

Sometimes when something happens and we share something with people close to us, they're going to want to respond and sometimes they respond in a way that isn't what we're looking for. So being really clear with your community, your support system. If somebody's trying to be your devil's advocate and that is not what you're wanting. It's such a beautiful idea to tell them that, “Hey, listen, I don't need that right now. I actually need support from you. That's what I need. I need to be able to share this with you. I need you to be able to listen. I need you to be able to hear.”

And that's one thing as coaches, we don't coach people who do not want to be coached. So making sure that you are really clear and again that goes into setting that boundary of this is what I need, this is what I need help with. So again, finding a community that supports you in your growth, that can be a buffer against the detrimental effects of that criticism.

So I wanted to offer you some practical exercises for the real world. What can you do to help yourself when you do receive criticism? You can keep a criticism journal. So keep a dedicated journal where you note down instances of criticism, your emotional state at the time, and how you chose to handle it. This can be a beautiful reminder when something may be detrimental or not so detrimental comes up for you and you need some help processing through it.

And I always tell my clients this, it's one of the things I tell my clients all the time. Not everyone loves to journal, but it is such a great tool to be able to go back and see your wins, see the challenges that you have faced and how you have overcome them. So keeping a journal of things like this can be very helpful. Another one is to try guided meditation. You can create your own. You can listen to one of mine or somebody else's but use one that is specifically designed for self-love or dealing with criticism.

I have a meditation that I have done many times with my community where we put down the bags, we put down the luggage. So finding something along those lines where you can kind of take this off and put it down and leave it behind because other people's opinions are just that. They're just opinions.

So to kind of wrap all of this up, handling criticism, it is not just about building a thick skin. It's about understanding the role that external feedback plays in your life. Embrace criticism as an opportunity to learn, grow and affirm your own journey, whether that's personal, professional, spiritual, whatever that looks like for you. And with that, I want to thank you for joining me on this transformative episode. If you found this valuable, please share with those who could benefit from it and until next time, keep growing, keep healing and keep discovering your true self. Alright, you guys, I'll see you next week. All my love.

Thank you for joining me for this week’s episode of The Mindset School. Ready to dive deeper into finding your purpose and create a deeply fulfilling life? Visit soulsistercoaching.com for more guidance and resources. See you next week.